The other night I was driving home and passed right by the church on the corner like I do every single day. On the front lawn of the church there stands one of those announcement boards that just about every church has. It read:
You can never get ahead if you are always trying to get even.
WOW. I know this probably was intended to spark a discussion about using your anger or frustrations to get even for something someone did to you - but I took it as trying to get even by COMPARISON. To get to where SOMEONE ELSE is. Why are we always comparing our lives to others whether they be friends, family members, co-workers? What they have and what we don't? What they have experienced and what we haven't? Why are they making more money than we are when we work harder than they do? Why are they always ahead when we are always behind. Why can we not just appreciate the journey we are personally on rather than the constant involvement and comparison of someone else.
As you all know, I am a part of what I consider to be one of the strongest and most supportive communities for women of all ages, shapes, sizes, nationalities, etc through Tone It Up. With that being said, if you are familiar with the community you should also know that while I am writing about focusing on you I am ALL about working as or with a team, using accountability, and having a sense of community. Those three things are so important to success whether it be weight loss, health, mental wellness, or career oriented - and it is an amazing feeling to have a supportive team stand behind you - to give you support and offer advice especially when you are making a big change in your life.
Please don't get me wrong - I am also not saying that you could/should not use someone as motivation - because it is good to have goals and good to have something to strive towards - but that person isn't YOU and they never will be and you will never be them. Motivation is not the same as comparison. Use them as motivation and a tool but not an end all be all. There are so many women in the fitness industry that I look up to, I respect, and admire - but I can not day in and day out compare myself in a negative way to them and wonder why I am not where they are physically or in their career. I have no idea what their journey has been and what it has taken to get them to that point - but I should use them as a sounding board, to gather tips and advice, and inspiration and motivation - not to compare myself against to the point where I am frustrated because I don't look like them. I don't look like them because I am not them. Simple as that. This is something I am working on - it is hard and something I have to stop myself from doing every day - but I know I will be healthier and happier for doing so.
I'm not going to lie, I'm guilty of comparison - we all are. Why can't I have her long runner legs? My races would be so much easier and I could run faster. Why is my booty so bootylicious and my waist totally not in proportion? It makes finding jeans really, really difficult. Why on earth can't I have her gorgeous skin and pretty full curly beach babe hair?
You want to know why? Because God made ME. God made me perfectly imperfect and I should learn to love myself for who I am just like He does. How am I ever supposed to succeed if I don't love myself completely, wholly, and uncondtiontionally like God does? How am I ever going to move forward in my life, if I am always looking back or to the side at someone else? My eyes should be focused forward, on MY journey and where I am going in life.
One of my new goals is to appreciate and love the journey that God has put me on. I may not always understand it, but He has plans - BIG plans for each and everyone of us - and I put my faith and trust in Him. I have had ups and I have had downs, successes and failures, made good decisions and made bad decisions but they have made me who I am. My legs are not long runner legs, but they sure are strong legs that have carried me through 2 half marathons and another one next month with goals of a dualthon and possible triathlon in the future. My booty may be bootylicious but it fills out a bikini bottom and looks darn good after a few rounds of deadlifts. My skin may not be perfect or my hair for that matter - but that pushes me to eat cleaner and drink more water. I accept me. I accept who I was in the past, who I am in the present, and who I am going to be in the future. The only person you should try to be better than, is the person you were yesterday. I will not make excuses for who I am or apologize for who I am any longer. I spent too many years trying to be someone better, someone different for OTHER people and now it is time to be someone better for MYSELF.
Please don't try to get even, don't try to be someone else. Be perfectly imperfect you. Love yourself for who you are. Allow yourself to be loved for who you are. Look in that mirror and tell yourself one good thing every single morning. It may sound absolutely ridiculous at first - but just do it. It's ok if you laugh - it will get easier and easier. You don't even have to say it out loud - think it in your head while looking into your own eyes. You will start to believe it and you should because its true. Stay focused on your life while letting others in. LOVE. Not the "oh I love you" love - but the 100% unconditional accepting love of others no matter their story - and while you are loving others, love yourself too because you deserve it and are worth it.
